Today's Reading
Noticing includes the ability to pay attention, scan for information, and determine what is relevant. Quieting is the ability to bring a sense of calm to the conversation by using silences and strategic pauses. This involves managing internal dialogue and emotions so that the listener can give their full attention to the conversation. Accepting can be particularly challenging for some people. This involves adopting a stance of openness to what others may bring to the conversation. The listener respects the right of others to hold personal opinions and accepts their views as permissible within the conversation. This does not mean that the listener must agree with the views. However, in Radical Listening, people should feel that they are entitled to have and openly voice their views and opinions.
EXTERNAL SKILLS
We also identify some external skills that are necessary for Radical Listening conversations. These will be much more noticeable—they are interventions that you will be making during the conversations. Acknowledging is the act of explicitly recognizing the efforts, perspectives, strengths, values, or principles of the other person. When we acknowledge others, they feel seen, understood, and appreciated. Questioning is the skill of asking thought-provoking questions that demonstrate interest and curiosity. When used intentionally, questions can encourage deeper reflection, new perspectives, and innovative ideas. At first glance, interjecting may seem out of place as a skill of listening. In this case, interrupting your conversational partner is used to show full and enthusiastic engagement. Interjections are used to build energy, strengthen connections, and show interest.
In this section, we have presented the framework that underpins Radical Listening. In the coming chapters, we will consider each aspect so that you can develop your understanding and practice of the skills of Radical Listening. Our intention in this book is to support you to have better conversations, rather than simply understand some of the factors that lead to positive interactions. As a first step, let us make sure that we are all aware of some of the things that could be getting in the way of building better connections with other people.
BARRIERS TO LISTENING
We live in a world that is getting busier and busier! Rather than reducing our workload, advances in technology seem to be providing us with even more things that draw our attention. Cell phones, tablets, virtual reality headsets, and wearable devices now compete with more traditional forms of communication and entertainment to keep us engaged—for almost all our waking hours. The pace of change, constant innovation, and sheer volume of information available can easily overwhelm us.
How much more difficult is it nowadays to have a family meal or a social gathering where people listen to one another? What percentage of those present will be looking at their devices? In any thirty-minute interval, how often will a phone ring or a message ping? To what extent are people fully immersed in the conversations that are taking place? In this context, it is a wonder that we are still able to protect time to have meaningful conversations with other human beings. But despite these challenges, and maybe because of them, it is becoming more and more important for us to enhance our ability to communicate well.
PUT IT INTO PRACTICE: TAKE A MOMENT
Please take a moment now to appreciate a moment of quiet reflection. Even a few seconds of "doing nothing" can feel like a luxury!
LISTENING AT WORK
Traditional views of listening link it with specific contexts. For example, a person can listen to the symphony of morning birdsong, to the sound of an oncoming ambulance, or to the crash of dishes in a restaurant kitchen. Each of these examples seems to suggest that there is simultaneously some common aspect of listening—hearing, for example—as well as something unique to listening in each context. Most of the listening we discuss in Radical Listening centers on human-to-human contexts. Typically, this means conversation. Conversations are central to most social interactions. Listening to a manager give instructions, to the questions of a new employee, or to the feedback of a customer are all examples of the importance of listening at work.
Listening, we know, is often swept into that ever-increasing group of competencies known as soft skills. Ironically, these are skills that are important to businesses because they facilitate people collaborating, influencing, planning, reflecting, and engaging in other psychological processes. Increasingly, people within organizations appreciate how vital such skills can be. Often, listening is at the top of the list. But do not take our word for it; research on listening reveals a wide range of benefits.
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